After prayerfully considering medication or not for inattentiveness I went ahead and decided to try medication.  After two weeks of being on his medicine Robert said, " mom this medicine is really working for me."  I asked, "how do you know it's working?"  Robert replied, "I am reading a lot more often and more efficiently."  When I asked "how do you know you are reading more efficiently he said, "because I don't have to stop so much."  Robert-age 10

Dr. Sandler, 

I just don’t know what else to say but THANK YOU!  Attached you will find my son's most recent grade sheets.  At this rate he might make honor roll this quarter!  First time in Middle School!  I can’t believe it!  I can’t thank you enough for helping us through this journey…that will continue!  I’m so proud of him – he really is an amazing young man.  I really wish there was some other way or something more to say to convey how much I appreciate all that you have done for our family.  YOU and your team are amazing! 

Enjoy the attached reading!  It will definitely make you smile!   

Ann

Dear Doctor Sandler, 

Although you have kept in contact over the years passing on informative and current information regarding learning differences I wanted to take this opportunity to write to you about my son who came to you for testing over five years ago. 

Being our first child we really didn't know what to expect or what the outcome of our professional relationship with you would be. We were referred to you by our pediatrician when our son's teacher kindly approached us about having our son tested. I was concerned but truly more confused. I heard the words difficulty focusing and in­attentiveness when my husband and I met with my son's teachers back in second grade. This seemed like an odd observation to us. We had not observed this at home, it had not been observed by friends or family or been commented on by teachers from pre-school through first grade. I kindly, considered the information given to me and felt puzzled and a little defensive. 

Certainly, my son's grades, life skills, and social relationships did not seem to point to any evidence to support this theory that was forming. By the end of second grade my son was receiving some extra support at school along with about 5 other boys for building reading skills. I was not concerned. 

My son during this time said he thought he needed glasses. So, of course I took him to the eye doctor for a full exam. Neither my husband nor myself wore glasses but, something worth checking out, and maybe the answer to some of our questions. His eyes checked out just fine. In fact, he had perfect vision. I asked the doctor to honor my son's point of view and give him a very light prescription. He wore his glasses for about 3 months and then stopped using them. Our son who has always had a great attitude, liked school, and was very motivated began to despise doing his home work. Outside of school we watched our son play soccer and learn karate. He was doing well with both and we always had positive feedback from his coaches, instructors and other parents. So I tried to find different ways to assist him during homework, I found myself saying things like please sit down while we are reading; you need to look at the words when you sound them out. I noticed him getting frustrated and our relationship was changing with every homework assignment. I felt helpless and angry that I couldn't help him. I was after all an English major who had a successful career in radio; writing for a living. My husband had his Masters in Business. Maybe we were just going through a phase with our son. 

By the end of the school year, the tension was building. My husband and I regrouped and considered testing once again. But, what would we tell our son? How would we explain the testing? He was very intelligent, and intuitive. Would it take a hit at his self esteem? Would he feel different, upset? Would there be a stigma? What would I tell the school? What if I didn't agree with the assessment and testing results? Would the results go on file and taint him or his future in some way; we do live in such a competitive world. 

Instead of solely making the decision as his parents, I decided to ask my son if he wanted to be tested. He asked for what and would it hurt? I said to find out how you learn. No it wouldn't hurt it would be like meeting with a teacher who is actually a special doctor. With that his face lit up and he answered with an enthusiastic, "Yes, please! When can we go?" I'll never forget this day, the expression on his face, and his response. I still believe to this day, regardless of our age, most of us know what we need. The key is having someone really listen to us and support us. Our relationship with our son continues to support this theory. 

Our son had two visits with you Dr. Sandler. With you he did a psychological evaluation, intelligence testing, cognitive, fine motor, memory, reading, spelling and written expression. He was happy and unaffected by the testing, possibly even acted as though a burden had been lifted. Soon after, my husband and I sat with you Dr. Sandler, for the results of the testing. I was so nervous. I remember partaking in some of the test activities with my husband and so we would have a better understanding of the test itself. I was skeptical until I saw the differences in my writing and processing with that of my husbands. When I attempted to put together a puzzle, that was part of the test material, I failed over and over while my husband sat with his completed puzzle and a smirk on his face. I was angry, oh, and did I mention competitive. 

We continued a review of the test results and came to the section marked conclusion. Our son was diagnosed with dysgraphia moderate to severe, dyslexia which was moderate,and ADHD, mild to moderate, predominately the inattentive type. I think I was in shock.We reviewed some elements of the tests as I tried to process all of this information andwhat it meant. Out came the puzzle and writing my husband and I did. Mine wa scomparable to my sons as you pointed out. And then I think you said something like,"well, you probably know you have dysgraphia and dyslexia." I think you saw the confusion on my face as you continued kindly and sensitively with the question, "Well, what was school like for you?" 

This was very cathartic for me. I actually began crying and some of the memories cameflooding back. Cruel things teachers said to me over the years, inconsistent grades, problems with assignments, high levels of stress and physically getting sick during exam week every year in high school. 

It really took a caring and warm trained professional like you to begin this important journey with our son. A journey we have shared with our friends and family. We feel so blessed. It really is the best thing that could have happened to us. My son has benefitted from the recommendations you made after his diagnosis. We've worked with a tutor you recommended. The whole process has changed the way we worked with and understood our son. Now, in seventh grade, our son spent 6th grade on the honors roll at a Christian school he attended from Kindergarten. This year he transferred to a public school, is doing well and enjoying the experience. He plays Lacrosse. He is also a talented soccer player who enjoys playing travel soccer. He is a passionate and a talented guitarist who began playing at age 7, and has enjoyed performing with a band he formed with his friends. 

We all feel that this insight provided by your testing has given us a window to our son's learning and more importantly his heart. This journey that began with you has uncovered his gifts. I can't underestimate the value it has brought to all of our lives. We have closeness with our son that has deepened as we have learned and supported each other through the recent years. We also feel our daughter who is now in third grade has benefited from our depth of knowledge that we have obtained through this process. I only hope that parents who are considering testing, in the process of testing, or are in the aftermath of testing have begun their journey with you. I also hope that you take this letter and accept my sincere thanks for your dedication to educational testing. Also, I hope you realize how many lives you have touched and how deep the impact is that you have on individuals and families. I personally have since gone back to school and changed my career. I just completed my Masters in Counseling and guidance with honors. I look forward to getting my license. Like you, I hope to help others. You are an inspiration.

Sincerely,

Brigitte

   Based on my personal experience, I wished I had sought treatment for my son, when in 3rd grade teachers were giving me clues.  It wasn't until high school, when his school stated they wouldn't help him, if we did not get him diagnosed.  At which point I still did not totally believe my son had any real problem.  According to me he just had to mature.
 
We had him tested.  I can promise, if you choose to do nothing about it, having the diagnosis at least allows your son, and you the chance to understand there is a problem and what it is...
There was so much power in having a real diagnosis.  It will give your son peace of mind and you too.
 
Even with that I still chose to believe I could handle it and that my son really did not need assistance.  He will eventually catch up.
 
Last year my son lost everything that mattered to him, and for many months, I spent my time worrying my son would lose his life.  It was the worst months of my life.....
 
Little issues become big problems, they do not go away, they surfaced later in a different way.
I never guessed that one day I would be paralyzed at home thinking my son would take his life...
I sat across from his college home in tears, praying my heart out, and scared to death for months.  He lost everything that mattered; all that was left was his life.  And this is no exaggeration.  He said whatever we thought was right for him,  he trusted us to help him, and we really did not know how until it was to late...
 
 
I finally gave in a little less than a year ago,  and got him medicine and help.
From third grade to college.  In that process we paid a huge price, which I am blessed did not cost us our son’s life.
 
He shares that he feels like a different person, He refuses not to be on the medicine, He feels in control and happy on the medicine.   

We cannot understand how he feels, how the world feels to them, but they know....  it wasn't until I got my son help, that I can see  that he was going to hell and back, just trying to be normal...
 
Please, at least get the diagnosis....
At least know what you are up against.
At least know your child and how his brain is working.
If you do that you will be doing the first step in understanding your son.
 
I say, if your child had cancer, what would you do for him?
Think of it the same way.
You would get help...
 
You would want to know what type of cancer,  and how to treat it, and even with that you would still have to make decisions about treatment.
 
It is the same thing.

My son is now doing great.  He loves his medicine.  He is maturing  
My boy is now a man.
I am very proud of him.
 
He is back on the team playing as if nothing happen; minus his scholarship, of course.
We don't speak about that.  We focus on him being on the team and being successful
But I am his mother, and I will never forget.

I wanted to let you know how well [my son] is doing. He’s now on 20 mg of Focalin, which carries him through the whole school day.  If you remember, as middle school progressed, his grades slid more and more and his list of homework that hadn’t been turned in was pretty astonishing. For his midterm report, he had a high C in GT Algebra II, a high B in Honors Spanish, and all the rest, high A’s. He has only missed turning in one assignment (Algebra) and he’s a star in his GT English class. We’re really proud of him! Besides the medication, what’s working is his determination; sticking to your rubric of doing homework in the same order each night; using single subject looseleaf binders with folders instead of one large binder; and his being aware of his visual spatial learning problem. In fact, we all got a big kick out of a homework assignment that he was given about 3 weeks ago: He had to reproduce on graph paper 6 very complicated 3-D cubed figures. Because he knew about his visual spatial learning problem, he asked the teacher for a strategy, which made the assignment bearable. He has never before asked a teacher for help! Instead of his being frustrated with the assignment, we all had fun joking about it, and Dick didn’t hesitate to help him when the last problem took too long.  I’m helping him organize his notebooks about once a week, which is working fine. Although our math tutor has only been able to come every second week (part of what led to his C in Algebra) her schedule is changing and she should be here weekly beginning next week. He loves cross country, is joining debate as soon as the season ends, and belongs to Future Business Leaders of America and Junior State of America. The stress level is way-y-y down in our house in the evenings. I’m not nagging him to do his homework and I trust him when he says that he’s finished. I now have some time to myself again! Thank you! We wouldn’t be here without your help. (10/08)

"I also wanted to let you know that spelling homework was an amazing experience last night!!!  Even though his medicine had long worn off, we did it anyway because he was a day behind from forgetting his words earlier in the week (I felt brave and empowered I guess!).  For the first time he did his alphabetizing perfect.  I put his words on sticky notes and told him to alphabetize his words and he did it 1-2-3.  This has been a HUGE battle in the past.  Then, I had him dictate the sentences while I scribed.   Once I assured him he would not get in trouble for it, the ideas flowed from his brain like magic.  I had never seen him like that ever.  I could hardly write fast enough.  He laughed as he also began to evolve into stories. It was the first time I ever saw him smile during homework.  Anyway- many thanks, I saw a creative thinking side of him I have never seen last night." -- From the parent of a third grader (09/08)

"…It was such a different approach to testing and a relaxed comfortable place to be.  I was a nervous wreck the day I brought him having not met you and worried for him because I knew he didn’t want to have to be tested.  I was put at ease the moment I met you and shook your hand.  The environment of your entire office is painted in serene colors and has a relaxing feel to it.  It immediately put mother and son at ease.  I thank you for your patience and for your professionalism and for your continued care outside of the testing.  Your care after the fact has been amazing.  Your willingness to be available to us after the fact reminds me of times gone by when doctors would make house calls." (9/07)

"We need to clone Dr. Sandler."  (7/08)

"…The irony of this long-winded email, Cindy, is that words fail to adequately describe our appreciation for all you’ve done for us.  I hope that as you contemplate this note, you can feel the energy of the deep appreciation and warmth that we are sending your way."  (3/06)

"…I can remember interviewing your office manager—she really stood up to all my questions and I could feel her compassion for my child.  It was as if she wanted to know what was going on with him as much as I did.  She took her time and reassured me." (9/07)